Visiting someone with dementia can bring joy, but it can also be hard, especially if they no longer remember you or become upset when you leave. A few ideas can help.

Before the visit

Ask staff how the person has been, and what time of day suits them best.
Think about something to do together, so the visit does not rely only on conversation.

When you arrive

Approach from the front, so you do not startle them.
Say who you are, without testing their memory. “Hello Mum, it’s Sarah” is kinder than “Do you know who I am?”
Sit at their eye level and smile.

During the visit

Keep sentences short and simple.
Go along with their reality, rather than correcting them. If they think it is a different year, gently join them there.
Use music, photos, familiar objects and touch.
Do something together: walk in the garden, fold napkins, look at a magazine.
Do not worry about silences.

If they do not recognise you

This can be very painful. Remember that feelings often last longer than memories. The person may still feel comfort, warmth and safety in your company, even if they cannot say who you are.

If the visit seems to unsettle them

Sometimes a person is more agitated after a visit. The guide for carers written by Christian Care Homes says never assume visits are a bad idea: they may need to talk about the feelings or memories the visit has stirred, and people do not need to be cheered up or protected all the time. Talk to the staff about what helps.

Leaving

Keep goodbyes short and positive. It can help to leave when the person is busy with something, or to let a member of staff help.

At Cedar House

Visitors are welcome at Cedar House at any time. Read about dementia care at Cedar House, or our tips for talking with someone who has dementia.

Visiting someone with dementia in a care home