Talking with someone who has dementia

Dementia can make it harder to find words, follow a conversation and remember what was said. Small changes in how we talk can make a big difference.

Before you start

• Find a quiet spot, away from the television or radio.
• Sit where the person can see your face, at their eye level.
• Check they have their glasses and hearing aids, if they use them.
• Say who you are, if they might not remember.

While you talk

• Speak clearly and calmly, in short sentences.
• Ask one question at a time. Questions with a yes or no answer, or a simple choice, are easier than open questions.
• Give them time to answer. Try not to finish their sentences.
• If they lose the thread, gently repeat what they were saying.
• Use their name, and touch their hand if they find it comforting.
• Watch their body language and face. Feelings can come across even when words do not.

What to avoid

• Arguing or correcting. If someone believes something that is not true, arguing usually causes distress. It is often kinder to go along with the world they are in, and gently change the subject if needed.
• Testing their memory. Questions like “Do you remember who I am?” can make people feel anxious.
• Talking about them as if they are not there.
• Talking down. People with dementia are adults with a whole life behind them.

If they repeat themselves

React as if you are hearing the story for the first time. It matters to them, and it costs you nothing.

If they become upset

Stay calm and keep your voice low. Try to work out what is behind it: they may be in pain, tired, hungry, too hot or cold, or need the toilet. Distraction with a cup of tea, music or a walk can help.

Look after yourself too

Caring for someone with dementia is hard. Our guide to looking after yourself as a carer may help.

These ideas also appear in the guide for carers written by Christian Care Homes, What is dementia?.